Computer jokes

Signs that you spend too much time on the Net (dated: pre-1998)

  1. You dont understand words like 'you', all you write is 'u'
  2. You are reading this page.
  3. When u crack a joke in ordinary conversation, u can't resist drawing a smiley in the air.
  4. U empathise with this list.
  5. U contribute to this list.
  6. U write your own list.
  7. U have forgotten how to write an apostrophe: u write dont instead of don't, etc.
  8. U flunk miserably on English tests due to your horrible punctuation (see 7)
  9. U flunk miserably on English tests due to your horrible spelling (like using 4 for 'for', writing things like 'I like abbrevs', etc.)
  10. Your speech is littered with terms like 'irc', 'webpage', 'up/download', 'NO CARRIER' (aargh!), etc.
  11. You are talking to another netizen friend in college, and the person sitting next to u is going 'huh??' all the time.
  12. You know what a netizen is.
  13. You know the exact difference between pirch and mirc.
  14. You say 'NO CARRIER' when saying bye to your friends (in real life).
  15. You can construct webpages using only a simple ASCII text editor.
  16. You have a page at Geocities :-).
  17. You have several pages at Geocities...
  18. ...and Angelfire, Tripod, etc.
  19. You have more than three email addresses.
  20. You know at least 5 variations of smileys.
  21. Your .sigs are usually bigger than your message... you know that's nOT good netiquette, but all your email and homepage addresses don't fIT into a smaller .sig
  22. You know what a .sig is.
  23. You can patch a phone line by hand.
  24. At 11:00 pm, you say 'Just this one last link..' and next thing you know, its 5:00 am
  25. You convert all time references to GMT, even when not required.
  26. U can't imagine life without the Net.
  27. U talk to your modem ('Don't u dare hang up!')
  28. When U hear of a TV show involving 'carriers', u do all u can to watch it, and then get disappointed when they don't say a single word about modems.
  29. The words "NO CARRIER" give you a nervous breakdown.
  30. Your life is scheduled around optimum connect times.
  31. You wonder at the un-interactivity of television.
  32. You search for the keyboard and mouse attached to your phone/TV
  33. You understand jokes about the net.
  34. You make up jokes about the net.
  35. You know what RFC means, and have many of them memorized.

2004: Ugh, that sucks.

Top

Signs that you are a computaholic (dated: pre-1998)

  1. You sit up coding till 3:00 am.
  2. The time in (1) looks like a hex address.
  3. You don't need to convert hex to decimal.
  4. You can't count in decimal
  5. You are reading this list.
  6. You contribute to this list.
  7. You ask your friends for their address and offset.
  8. You refer to $5000 as 5k.
  9. You write your own programme for cataloging your tape/CD/LD collection.
  10. You *never* make backups of anything but the CMOS and partition table.
  11. You know what a CMOS and partition table is.
  12. You can modify a FAT successfully.
  13. You have opened the casing and not regretted it.
  14. You give directions to the technician.
  15. You can solve bugs over the phone.
  16. You are going to download this and save it in a jokes directory.
  17. The directory of utilities that u wrote is bigger than the WINDOWS\SYSTEM directory.
  18. You find 'track 0 bad' disks under the sofa.
  19. You dont throw away bad disks, in the hope that soon there will be a utility which can recover them.
  20. You attempt to write such a utility -- and succeed.
  21. You know at least 3 separate languages.
  22. You understood at once that 'languages' in #21 means *computer* languages.
  23. You talk to your computer ('Don't u dare hang!', 'please, please, PLEASE read that disk...')
  24. You meticulously wipe the dust and debris from your keyboard, but your bed is full of dust, disks, manuals, printouts...
  25. You always clean out temp directories, the recycle bin, etc. but your dustbin is overflowing.
  26. You're always tinkering with the configuration, but have never called tech support. You don't even know the number!
  27. Your monitor tries to bite you.

2004: Ugh, that sucks, too, but not as much as I thought it would.